No Goodbyes
by Kasaki Kihoya
Summary: Kyo died in a school shooting, protecting Yuki. Life at the Shigure's house gets very depressing. How will Yuki cope with his newfound guilt? Finally finished. CHECK OUT TEH UPDATE INFO!
1. Love and hate is where we blur

"During the time Kyo-kun stayed with us, the changes he experienced were noticeable to everyone. Everyone here knew the Kyo that hated and was hated. Very few knew the Kyo who _loved_. But the people who did loved him back… that's one of the saddest things about losing him so soon."

The speakers' breath hitched painfully as he tried to hold back his sobs. He bowed his head, hiding his tear filled eyes. The left hand of the man slid to the back of his neck, fingers running through the shorts of his black hair.

He read a few more lines of his speech in his head before closing his brown eyes tightly. Large tears trailed down his pale cheeks and landed on the white papers. The ink blurred from the wetness, but only did he notice as he took another deep breath and opened his eyes.

Raising his head the mourning audience he noticed a girl wearing a black dress that clashed with her bright eyes. She stared at him through the tears in her eyes. And that gave him the encouragement to continue.

He brushed the limp bangs from his eyes. "It didn't seem to matter that we had no pictures of him smiling…" The girl closed her eyes tightly but tears managed to slip through the black confides of her eyelashes. Shigure looked away from her, and down to the tear splattered speech once again.

"But it matters now." The normal singsong tone was replaced with a hoarse, strained voice, his throat raw from the long night of heavy crying. Shigure squeezed his neck now and his head dropped again. This time his sharp brown eyes were shadowed by his bangs.

Around the dark room, others were in the same condition as Shigure. Their colorful eyes downcast with tears slipping down their pale cheeks. The few that held onto composure still didn't look at Shigure. As if they couldn't stand the usual happy man in such a state of depression.

Shigure continued with his strained voice. "I can remember him so vividly. I can almost see him sitting between Tohru-kun and Yuki-kun."

The two jumped slightly, tearful eyes slowly tracing to the area between them. Their eyes met unintentionally, but they didn't blush or look away. They only stared longingly at each other. But though they stared so clearly at each other they saw past the other to a far off image of Kyo.

They didn't notice the rest of the room look at them, also trying to spot Kyo. A depressed smile came to Shigure's lips, his brown eyes closed. "He looks the same as always, but this time he's smiling. He's happy now."

Now everyone had tears in their eyes, a few sobbing into their hands, shoulders heaving as they cried. Yuki blinked and Kyo was gone, replaced by Tohru. He could see in her eyes that she was still watching the redhead. He put his hand on hers, feeling the soft fabric of her black glove and rubbed it. She blinked twice, surprised when she found Yuki watching her painfully. He felt bad for causing her to loose the image. She tried to smile for him, but it contrasted with the tears still in her eyes

Shigure watched the two from his position behind the pulpit decorated in a wreath of flowers and leaves before continuing. He looked out at the large crowd. More people had shown up than he expected. Kyo would've been happy to know people cared more than he thought.

Everyone stared away from him, but waited anxiously for him to speak again. "I can hardly stand when I think about all Kyo went through. Or when I think about how humanity has fallen to carry out an act of murder. How can we do it…?"

He shook his head as a fresh wave of tears assaulted everyone in the room. "I'll never say goodbye. I'm not going to forget him… He's still a member of my family. He's still living at my house…"

At this Tohru broke down completely. She cupped her pale face in her gloved hands and cried freely. The boy beside her rubbed her back while watching her sadly.

"I love you Kyo." Shigure finished before grabbing the paper and slowly walking back to his seat. Yuki stood up while eyes still worriedly cast on Tohru. She raised her head from her hands and nodded at him.

He slowly walked to the pulpit while fixing his tie. He pulled a folded bundle of papers from his jacket pocket and smoothed it out. Until this point, Yuki didn't feel the lump in his throat. Breathing deeply, he swallowed the feeling and looked down at his paper.

"It's kind of hard." He said aloud. He raised his violet eyes to the audience. "It's hard to realize love for someone after their gone. Kyo… Kyo and I hated each other… But now, now that he's gone… What he did for me. I realize I never hated him…" Yuki took a calming breath and watched everyone from his family wallow in mourning.

"I can also remember him clearly. The day it happened… Everything I felt…what was said, what he said… I remember it all. And even when I replay it in my head, over and over… I don't know why someone would do that…."

"The same boy who swore his hatred for me… Protected me with his life."


	2. Right before our parting

His violet eyes filtered out the bangs blocking the full of his vision and stared through the open window, curtains gently swaying in a breeze that otherwise wouldn't be noticed. He had been awake for a while, but the feeling in his stomach protested his moving from bed. Slowly he brushed the silver bangs from his pale forehead.

The sounds of Sunday filled the house while he finally lifted himself from the bed and stumbled downstairs. His eyes closed while he gently bounced down the steps, tiredly regretting getting up at all. He was so deep in his thoughts that he had hardly noticed his foot missing the step and the fall that ruffled his hair.

He was grabbed roughly at the shoulder and pulled up. At that moment his eyelids fluttered open and were peered into by a crimson stare.

"What the hell, rat?" Kyo growled making sure Yuki was sitting securely on a step before continuing to walk down the stares. While he disappeared around the corner, he heard the cat groan. "You're so annoying."

The boy took a moment to let his still sleepy brain register the event before slowly following the cat into the kitchen. Around the table his family huddled around the table, eating the sweat and blood of Tohru's meal.

As he sat he noticed everyone around him seemed as slow as he did. No one smiled or said anything, the mood weighing heavily on the boys heartstrings. They finished the meal quietly but no one moved when they were done eating. Finally Kyo growled and slammed his knuckles against the wooden table.

"What the hell is wrong with everyone? Why are you all acting so depressed?" The startled girl (Who happened to be seated directly beside the boy) waved her hands frantically and her tongue tripped over the words that came tumbling out.

"No! I'm not depressed, I mean I guess I feel a little sad but, well, I don't know! You know how it is, it's just one of those days!" Her rambunctious explanation ended with a nervous giggle.

Kyo sighed. "Whatever. It's annoying."

"I think Neko-san is wearing his grumpy pants!" Shigure sang, giggling behind his hands. The three teenagers took time from their glares (And frantic waving brought to us by Tohru) to give Shigure a blank stare.

The boy with orange hair clicked his tongue. He seemed as if he were struggling for a locked up reply but couldn't get it. Instead he clicked his tongue again and looked away from everyone.

"Ano…" Tohru mumbled, looking down at her half finished meal. "What are we going to do today?"

When no one made an effort to answer her, she looked up and around to the faces. Kyo still refused to look at them, so she studied the face of Shigure and Yuki instead. At first, they both seemed like they would remain silent until Yuki's head perked up.

Her chest fluttered with a momentary excitement as she thought about what Yuki would say, and then, the boys' head fell and smacked against the coffee table. The fluttering in her chest turned into a stabbing panic and a small scream left her throat.

Both the bang and the scream caused Kyo to look over. By now, Tohru was on her feet, peering down at the boy. The other male smiled in an amused fashion. This went on for a while until Kyo couldn't take it anymore.

"Relax, he's just sleeping."

Tohru stopped in mid arm-flap and looked at Kyo with a strange curiosity dancing in her eyes. The black haired male nodded happily.

"Kyo-kun is right!" And then, as if to demonstrate his point, Shigure gave Yuki a small finger jab to his ribs, which caused Yuki to promptly fall to his side. Again, the female member of the house looked ready to panic but refrained. Kyo got to his feet and sighed.

"This is stupid!"

As he lifted his socking-clad foot to stomp out of the room, Shigure leaped at the cat and knocked him to his feet. "Wait!" His brown eyes ran through a show of fleeting concern and fear, but as soon as he blinked it was gone. Kyo, who was too stunned to notice the play of emotion in the man's eyes, hissed at the novelist.

Shigure was too quick, and cut off the cats words. "We should all do something together!"

That confused almost all of them. It was a day, like any other. So why now would Shigure suddenly want to have a family day? Of course, this wasn't the first time he had suddenly announced a surprise event.

Kyo wanted to yell at Shigure for attacking him, yet upon hearing the mans words, and seeing the fleeting fear return to the dogs eyes, his tongue turned into knots and he couldn't bring himself to say anything. Stranger yet, the boy felt sorry, sad and guilty. He had almost felt like he was the one who made Shigure feel such sorrow.

Of course no one knew the feelings running rapid in Kyo's heart, causing them all a electric shock when they heard the words that slipped free from his tangled tongue.

"Sorry."

Next came the silence.

Yuki, awakened by the thump of Kyo hitting the floor, closed his eyes against a sudden attack of tears and forced a yawn for a excuse when he opened his glassy eyes. Shigure didn't say anything because somehow Kyo's words felt right and wrong at the same time.

Soon enough he shook his head. "It's not your fault."

Shockingly, everyone seemed to understand his words, and confuse them all in one thought process. The eldest shook his head again, this time harshly, flinging his black hair and depressed thoughts everywhere.

"Well! Shall we go?"


	3. The Mabudachi Trio

They found themselves wandering the vastness of the Sohma property. They had a short picnic in a Sohma owned gardens, and then visited Sohma owned shops of sorts before stopping off at the Sohma owned onsen for a relaxing bath At the end of the day they went around visiting Shigure's Sohma owned friends. Meaning they had to visit Ayame twice (Much to Yuki and Kyo's displeasure)

And even though having been explained to _twice_ that neither visit was Yuki's will, Ayame still proudly and loudly exclaimed his dedication and perhaps succession in becoming the magnificent elder brother he was always meant to be. Despite all the squabbles, everyone felt liberated to be welcomed and loved.

With a large hug to every member of the Shigure household, Ayame sadly let them depart. He wept large tears and wailed dramatic sobs that all but had Shigure torn to pieces. The novelist was slowly dragged away as two men yelled their love to each other across the street. Their drama production caught the attention of almost every passer-by that wondered if the two were actually or in love or if a hidden camera was filming their reaction.

Tohru was frantically giggling and waving people off with a large smile. Lucent through her animated sweat drop (that's dramatic proportion was perhaps as large as Ayame and Shigure's tears) was the girls pink blush spreading across her cheeks. Yuki had begun to wonder if she meant to be cute all the time.

Then suddenly he and Kyo stumbled forward, empty handed. The looked back to see the man they were once dragging clinging to Ayame as they both wept tears of love and joy. A thought hit Yuki beside the idea of Tohru's intentional adorableness. If Shigure could worm away so easily, what was with the tears? Was the man letting himself be dragged away for the sake of drama?

In the end, Ayame ended up tagging along as the group made their way to Hatori- Shigure knowing all to well that the doctor was taking care of the Juunishi children at that moment. It seemed like nothing could stop the flirty talk between the hebi cursed and the inu cursed, but it suddenly died down on its own. And even through the piercing silence, nezumi and neko alike had irritable emotions growing.

Kyo thought about striking out, but a side-glance to the girl happily smiling to the world in front of her told him it would be stupid. A sigh from Yuki told him he was thinking the same thing. Tohru remained unaware.

"Aya!" Shigure squealed. "I'm bored, bored, bored!" The man beside him cast him a smile before closing his beautiful eyes and in a deep, lustful voice he said…

"Not now, Gure-san. For the eyes of the public and the children are upon us." The men giggled to each other until they finally stopped in a small Café. Ayame looked around the small store, his deep golden eyes searching every face until a pout hit his face and he nudged Shigure sadly.

"He's not here."

"I know." All sets of eyes peered up at Shigure looking confused and interested. (Kyo just looked annoyed.)

Shigure closed his eyes and allowed a sly smirk to play his lips for a moment too long. "You see, Ha-san does not know that we were to be meeting."

Then, with a glorious pose and a mischievous look in his once again open brown eyes, Shigure stabbed his hand in his coat pocket and pulled out a small silver cell phone. He earned a few stares from strangers, one of which pulled their child a little closer while still giving Shigure glances as if to figure out if he was sane, if the child would be safe.

The Sohma clan of course ignored it, being so used to the stares when they went out with Shigure. However, Tohru looked scared, emotions fleeting across her wide eyes. Yuki nudged her shoulder with his, too lazy to take his hands out of his pockets.

"Don't worry, he's used to it."

The other teenage boy allowed his head to drop as he added, "Unfortunately, we are too." And then he threw in a sigh.

Tohru nodded but still looked worried. At this point Shigure was pouting towards the teens. "Ah, how cruel! My heart feels as though it has just cracked." He had enough time to through his a dramatic sob before he was pulled close to Ayame's chest.

The men laughed merrily and more strangers looked scared. It took a couple hard punches from the other boys until Shigure finally dialed the doctors' number and convinced him to meet them at the shop.

They sat at a large table with white metal rims and thick glass. The waitress came to them holding a small notepad with her chubby fingers, took their orders grumpily and then walked off, taking any sort of conversation with her.

A familiar tingle of sadness seemed to touch everyone's spine again, and they thought and pondered why they felt so sad so suddenly but never found a real reason, just excuses or cover-ups for something they didn't really want to think about.

Hatori arrived before their drinks, towing behind him a blonde Momiji. Everyone scooted over to make room for the newly arrived, greeting them happily as they did and still no conversation came. When the waitress came back with a tray of assorted drinks and left again, Kyo was fed up with the silence and roughly slammed his glass on the table.

"What the hell" He growled. "This is starting to piss me off…"

Momiji nodded in agreement. "I have a math test tomorrow!" From their conversations seemed to start until the all parted in front of the Café. The sun was already gone for the night and a few stars were peeking through the internal bleakness of the sky. Momiji hugged everyone goodbye happily, turning into a fluffy rabbit as he parted with Tohru.

Hatori made a grim noise in the back of his throat while glancing at his wristwatch. "It's late…" He commented and then turned to walk off. This time it seemed harder than normal, but he continued to walk and took a chunk the sad fog everyone was consumed in. Ayame skipped beside the doctor adding sadness with annoyance.

By the time the foursome got home yawns were emitted every few seconds. They piled in the house and then flew into their rooms to get ready for bed and a night of no sleep.

Later in the night, Shigure found himself sitting at his computer with a blank expression and tears clouding his eyes but for the life of him, he wouldn't let them fall.

Yuki's frown scraped against his pillow, as it got deeper and he rolled over the thoughts clouding his head over and over. Trying to figure out why he suddenly felt regret and such increasing sadness. He rolled over to face his door, more trivial thoughts making his head ready to burst.

Across the hall Tohru was having just more success with chasing out her inner thoughts as tears, as they streamed down her face. The picture of her mother was pressed against her chest and it occasionally shook with her erratic breathing. She twitched quietly with another sob and closed her eyes lightly and uttered a prayer in her mind.

The orange-headed boy looked out the window at the now full moon. His expression showing what he felt in his heart. The memories running across his eyes were all forced out as a gentle tear that was harshly forced away.

And though he felt lost and confused, he felt no regret, perhaps only confusion by this sudden turmoil.


	4. The Day That Happened Forever Ago

The hardest part of that morning came first. The process of peeling heavy black eyelashes from pale skin was painful, the dried tears acting like an adhesive. Then came the mild annoyance of efforts being in vain as Yuki managed to get his eyes open, only to snap them shut again. It seemed only then that the light was noticeable and the shield of his eyelid was nothing.

Moving was hard, thinking was harder. Miserable attempts to get up only left him more and more annoyed. A random attempt to get up lead his eyesight to the alarm clock sitting on his night table- An alarm clock set and ready to wake him up in an hour.

He flopped down stiffly and groaned as he did. His head was fogged which caused his thoughts to come blindly and slowly. In random spurts he wondered why he had awoken so early. He was Yuki, known as the only Sohma who couldn't handle mornings and he was the first one to open his eyes that morning.

Next he wondered why he was so sore. Simply moping about couldn't cause such pain. Why was he even moping about? Was this mad depression that grabbed dumbly at every single person in the house simply a bad omen? In a way it unnerved him to think about, it caused him to stiffen even more and it threatened to make him burst.

He couldn't just spit out the thought like he wanted to, it tumbled around in his head, even trying to escape out of his mouth, leaving a horrid taste in his mouth. It felt like he hit the nail on the head. Dead center.

But if he happened to be right, what could be so awful to cause such raw emotion before it even occurred? Images of friends and family lingered in his brain, stamping names and faces on the tissue, and then kicking at his skull as a reminder that they wouldn't go. The faces twisted in horrible demonic expressions until not even the beautiful saintly Tohru was a relief.

With a headache and upset stomach, Sohma Yuki once again fell asleep.

A faint ringing rescued her from the demons hot at her heals and she sat upright with a sharp intake of breath. Beads of sweat that accumulated in the chase finally rolled down her temples and her bangs clumped horribly, sticking to odd places of her soft skin.

The ringing continued for a minute longer before she finally decided to reach over and turn off her alarm before she managed to awaken any other housemate before they were ready.

Then she stopped, and starred blankly at the clock surface. It wasn't set like she thought it was. Now that she took time to rethink that notion she realized the ringing was too faded and distant to really be coming from an object almost directly beside her.

She swung her sock-free feet over the side of her pink and glorious bed and slipped from the covers. The floor was cold and it was hard but she didn't recoil and jump back into the blankets like she wanted. Keeping a steady breathing pattern she slipped out of her room and followed the source of the noise to Yuki's bedroom.

Tohru was amazed that she managed to make no sound, sneaking stealthily into the boys' room and turning his alarm clock off. After that she managed a moment to smile lovingly down at him. His hair fanned out on his pillow, making a perfect pattern with well-blended colors. His eyelashes fell lightly against his skin and the colors were exact opposites.

The girl managed to stay quiet while admiring his beauty, even while clearing her throat. She was sure that she didn't look as angelic as he did, the boy perfect like snow. She didn't allow herself a moment longer to stare down at the boy and hastily left his room and slipped into the shower.

Yet as the water washed the sweat off of her body the image of Yuki was with her, swarming all around her head. 'Perhaps,' she wondered idly 'I love him.' But a smile reached her race and she shook her head regardless.

'But this feeling, is it unlike love?' For some reason she took comfort in Yuki. Everything about him at that moment helped chase away the mysterious sadness that clogged her eyes with tears.

'What is love?'

Perhaps she would never know. The thought of started a physical relationship didn't come often. It didn't seem critical at this moment, anyways…

She finished her shower with a deliberate slowness before racing into her room clad only in a strawberry printed towel and got herself ready for they day. She almost regretted taking such a long shower because now she didn't have time to tie her hair in braids.

The morning continued normally as Tohru woke Yuki up, and left him to get ready and make breakfast.

Shigure had smiled all morning, chattering away happily while munching on his breakfast. Kyo shouted, normally as Yuki threw a well-backed up insult. Just like normal, Shigure watched the teens off to school waving his hand and wishing them a good day, telling them to come back safely.

But as his eyes lingered too long on the retreating figures, another unexplained tear lead his voice into saying, "I love you."


	5. What eludes us both

**No Goodbyes **

Get ready for a change in writing styles because this is my first time writting a chapter for this story so...yeah. Not much else to say there.

**Chapter Five: Miaka Tanpopo and Syaoran Li (Kasaki-Chan's 1st Chapie)**

But as his eyes lingered too long on the retreating figures, another unexplained tear lead his voice into saying, "I love you."

Shigure finally had given up on trying to see the three as they left. Yet, even as he turned he couldn't banish the feeling that someone would pay their final price for their life. Today one of those three would die. 'Please, oh Kami-Sama, please don't let it be poor Tohru.' Luckily for him that prayer at least would be granted. Shigure though, didn't know how much he would soon be mourning.

Yuki still couldn't get over that feeling, like somthing bad would happen to someone close. He also knew that if this was true he would be greatly affected. Tohru also seemed tense. She remained disturbingly silent and troubled all morning, and it was starting to get on Yuki's nerves. Still he couldn't lash out on Tohru. Somehow even Kyo had calmed somewhere between breakfast and leaving Shigure's. Maybe he sensed the gloom in the air. After all, the things that run through the minds of the Sohma's seems to be contageous.

As they approched the school gates, they all saw two people a dark-haired girl, and a boy. They seemed to be arguing about something. Then, just like that, the boy pulled out a dark object, and sent the unfortunate girl to her death. boom He noticed witnesses everywhere and began to shoot like mad. It was then that Yuki's slow mind realized the gun was now pointed at him. It seemed that this was the end of his life. That this was where everything should've stopped. At least, it was supposed to stop for Yuki.

He noticed an oranged haired boy step in front of him as the trigger was pulled. The bullet ment for Yuki instead broke the somewhat rougher skin of Kyo Sohma. The blood came dripping to the groud as soon as the bullet peirced the tan, quickly paleing, skin. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. It was painful to watch. Yet it kept playing in Yuki's head over and over.

Finally, after eternity passed, Kyo fell limply to the ground. Yuki could've sworn Kyo murmured something to him though. "Happy now? After all, i'm dying for you." Yeah, Kyo did say something. Yuki just didn't want to hear. Kyo's somewhat crippled form curled, like a cat, into a ball. He shuddered slightly, and then went limp. A usual death scene, only this one had a life threating effect on Yuki.

'No Kyo, I don't think i'm happy. I don't think I will truely ever be happy again. Why did you save me? Why sacrifice your own life to save someone you hate? How could you allow me to live? Especially with the knoledge that your death is my fault.' Yuki's eyes went darker than they already were, and a tear freed him of his temporerally blurred vision. The tear left both a streak of drying water, and a silver glimmer.

When the fallen tearsplashed Kyo's face Yuki seemed to see a flinch in Kyo's face. Yet still he knew that it wasn't real, that Kyo's future was now set in stone. 'With that decided I bet his mind is in even more chaos than before.' Yuki thought hesitantly. 'I wonder if he would've done the same for Tohru.? I bet he would have. I guess that's Kyo for you. Save a life be rejected.' As these thought brought even darker clouds into Yuki's mind, Yuki couched over the dead neko's corpse.

"You wern't allowed to die yet you idiot! There really are people here who care about you." Yuki's words were coming from deep within his heart. "People like me." His mind was now definatly aware of some of Kyo's deep cutting pain. "Poor Kyo. He died to save your life Yuki. It proves that under all that hate and bitterness, there really was a person who cared." Tohru's words were barely audible from beneth the soft sweeping sobs. Still though, they were heard. In the distance sirens could be heard and seen headind towards the high school.

Within seconds police cars were there with ambulences right behind. The boy, who Tohru discovered the of, was taken into custody and going to jail for third degree murder. Syaoran Li. He had been a second year, now though, he had been expelled. Although Yuki knew Kyo wasn't the only one to die, the other was a girl named Miaka Tanpopo. She was also a second year. Apparently, Miaka wanted to break up because Syaoran was too violent. That fact had been true. To the relief of the teachers no one else was killed, and they showed no sympathy for Kyo's death.

The rest of school was cancelled. At Shigure's house that afternoon everyone was watching the three o' clock news. "At Kaibara High the morning at around six thirty, there was a small shooting involving the deaths of two second year students. The shooter, Syaoran Li, also a second year, went into a rage and pulled out a gun from his coat. He ended the lives of both Miaka Tanpopo, and Kyo Sohma. Syaoran has been given an eight year prison sentence, and two years anger manage ment. The funeral dates of both teens have yet to be deciced."

'So, this is why Kyo never came home. And why he'll never come.' Shigure thought in a depressed mood. He had known they were in a worse mood than when they had left, but never expected Kyo's death. By the time this broadcast was over the television had already been swiched off. By Yuki. The tears that filled his eyes were blocking his vision. They slowly streamed out staining his face once more.

That was how the fateuful day of Kyo's death began and ended. This brings us to the funeral once again. Where Yuki has to reveal the true way he thinks about Kyo, and the feelings he never thought he'd have to say.

"In truth, I never wanted him to die, I only said it because...well I didn't know how to be his friend. Of course I regret it now. I never told him I really cared. I just want him to know that I at least did care, no matter how I acted."

Yuki steped off in near tears, and went to his seat. This allowed Tohru, even though she wasn't family, to take her position.

"Kyo was one of the most important people in my life. He changed my entire view on life, and now that he's gone I can't...(sob)...Understand how to remain happy, but i'll try my hardest. Please continue to regaurd me kindly." She ran off stage in uncontrollable tears.

'I forgive you for all your faults. But stop moarning my freakin' death already.' That was the voice everyone heard, but no one could place.

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**TBC**

I hpe you at least can look forward to the next chapter! Sorry aLL Sorry to all you people who are Kyo fans, i'm one too.

Please regard me kindly.

-Kasaki-Chan


	6. The Dream of Torture

**No Goodbyes**

**By Kasaki-Chan**

**and**

**Bandaidchan**

**Chapter six: Forgiveness for our wrongs.**

Yuki's Point of view

A voice we all heard, even knew. We never wanted to see the pain that his mind was put through. The love he craved seemed only part of his suffering. The undeniable craving for his return must have pleased him somewhat. I knew it caused me nothing other than a bleeding heart. The way we fought, and insulted, and even looked at each other sent me into my own dark reserve. This one not unlike the black which was my previous life.

_...Maybe even my future..._

I wish I could see where he was, be there, feel what he feels. In my seat, still on the funeral grounds I saged in my cold plastic seat. What is pleasure? What is aggresion? Is there even a such thing as life beyond the restraints of our beating heart? I may never know for sure, but now Kyo does. I wonder now, can you be reborn? Will Kyo be reborn? If so, please god, don't allow him to be reborn the cat. No matter how much I denyed it when he was alive, I love Kyo. To me Kyo was a brother, a long lost brother. Someone to allow near me.

"Get out of my way you damn rat!" I still remember his loud and confident voice ringing through the house.How could he be gone? He was around for so long that it's hard to imagine he won't return. "Well if you stop forcing me into your way then i'll stop." Every word I spoke to him while he could walk was filled with hate. To live by such things is a fate only to those who are cursed. To have every word be spoken in vain is such an agonizing torture. After living through the life of a Sohma you teach yourself that life is a cruel place, but that death is no better.

_"I'm standin' on a bridge and waitin' in the dark."_

"What would you do if a girl told you she loved you?" Shigure's humored voice rang through my ears mixing with the song that was playing in my memory.

_"I thought that you'd be here by now. There's nothin' but the rain, no footsteps on the ground."_

I closed my eyes for the time it took to blink just so I could calm the terror that passed through my heart. Though the moment my eyelids shut I slipped into sleep. 'I...I wish I was... someone else.'

_"I'm listening but there's no sound. Isn't anyone tryin' to find me? Won't somebody come take me home?"_

I felt a stab at my chest, but it was only the quickening beats of my heart. I had deep secrets that no one knew of, secrets that took place in black places. Rememberences came to me and I tried so hard to wake my self up. I guess even my dreams are safe no more.

_"It's a damn cold night. I'm tryin' to figure out this life. Won't you take me by the hand? Take me somewhere new?"_

Every moment felt like somewhere old, somewhere past yet all the same it felt like reality. I needed to be somewhere else.

_"I don't know who you are, but I, I'm with you. I'm with you"_

In my dream-like state a figure walked to me. A figure unknown to me, yet I knew in my heart he was alright. He gestured me to follow, and so I did.

_"I'm lookin' for a place and searchin' for a face. Is anybody here? I know. Cuz nothing's goin' right. And everythings a mess."_

He lead me to a place I knew so well, a place I could find some peace. I even knew the faces here. This was Shigure's house, the place i've lived my high school life. Still, it felt like the wrong home. "Yuki-Kun! Welcome home. Would you like to wait for Kyo-Kun with me?" That was it! This was the wrong house, I was still in a dream. "Yuki, Tohru! I'm home." The person that led me to this place. He had been Kyo.

_"And no one likes to be alone. Isn't anyone tryin' to find me? Won't somebody come and take me home?"_

I felt so out of place here, like I didn't belong. This felt like a dream that could never end. A nightmare. Well, A daymare to be technical. I wanted out. I just had to go back home. "Hey Yuki! Why don't you leave?" Kyo walked up to my frail, trembling form. He pushed me off a thin cracking cliff that came out of thin air.

_"It's a damn cold night. I'm tryin' to figure out this life. I want you to take me by the hand, take me somewhere new."_

I awoke to Shigure and Tohru's worried faces, silently debating weather to wake me or not. They heard my rushed breaths and glanced my way, astonished to see me awake. "Sohma-Kun, Shigure-San says we must go home-the funeral's over." I turned to see only Tohru. The real Tohru. "Okay Tohru. Howabout we leave now?" She nodded and began to walk off.

_"It's a damn cold night. Isn't anyone tryin' to find me? I'm lookin' for a place and searchin' for a face. And no one likes to be alone. I'm tryin' to figure out this life. It's a damn cold night."_

Tohru was ahead of me, while Shigure stood beside me, strangely willing to listen. "Yuki..." I faced him. My face wrinckled with the stains of tears, and my eyes blured with the pain of a lifetime weighing on my shoulders. "I want forgivness... Please, forgive me for crying in the death of a person I pretended to hate." All the acknoledgment I recieved was a shake of the head before Shigure walked faster and caught up to Tohru.

_"I'm with you."_

I got the strangest feeling. A lightness came over me, not a happy one a calming one. I had the feeling that I had been forgiven after all...

**TBC**

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**The song in this Chapter was from "Can you help" By Avril Lavinge. That second to last verse was a mixture of all the verses.**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter please send any ideas in a review/E-mail/Private Message**

**-Kasaki-Chan**


	7. The Recovered Happiness

**No Goodbyes**

**By**

**Kasaki-Chan**

**and**

**Bandaidchan**

_I'm thinking this will be the last chapter... But you never know... I'm sorry if you expected more! Please don't be mad! I promise that if this is the last chapter that I will make this the best possible ending,and i'll take any story request you give me as long as it's Fruits Basket!!!But it has to come with a story line, basic plot line,title, summery,rating, and main characters. So please forgive me if this is the last chapter... Kasaki-Chan!_

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_Normal Pov_

The days that passed by seemed excitable, yet dull all the same. Yuki continued to feel as though it was his fault that this inexcusable punishment was delivered. Though Yuki continued to take the abuse he felt that he deserved. "I want you to hate me.Hate me because I caused a death. I killed what little freedom this acursed family had left. I want no mercy, only mind shattering pain that will allow me to continue this endless stride. " That was what he always said to those that felt it was his fault, to force the anger to build up in a person. Even the Prince Yuki fanclub girls were avoiding him. The days that Yuki actually chose to step away from his bed were unbearable. So depressing was their lives without Kyo, that Tohru even began to saden at the sight of Yuki. So emotionless was Yuki that his very eyes deepened from lavender to a color near black. Then there came a day that Yuki was forced to learn that Kyo's death wasn't his fault...

The morning light spilled in through his uncovered window. A habit he'd made was to wake up with the sun. Just like Kyo had done. As the black feminene lashes unstuck with a slight sting, a soft groan escaped from the soft white lips. Slowly shifting posittions so that he was able to sit up. With his head fogged Yuki's eyes were blinded by the sunlight. The sting of pain brought a tear streaming down the long lashes, and spilling down his cheek. A pain swelled in his chest, a pain so familiar he felt it with every step he took. It started in his chest, heart to be exact, and spread through every nerve and muscle in the pale body. A Slim hand rose to wipe his forehead and returned to his side covered in cold sweat. Slightly more awake now then before Yuki found the strength somewhere to stand and begin to walk. Slowly taking small steps, getting used to the feeling of weight on his long, yet thin, feet. Making his way around piles of random belongings picking his uniform up on his curved path towards the door. Sliding the fashoned paper door noisily open Yuki's feet touched the frozen tingle of the wooden hallway floor. Slowly, alost sneakily, the grey haired boy made a beeline for the bathroom at the end of the hall.

The usual noises of Tohru making breakfast couldn't be heard this morning. 'Maybe she's sleeping in,' came a rushed thought into his mind. A faded invisionment of the dark haired girl clouding the view in the bathroom mirrror. Though this morning the face of the kind-hearted girl brought only anger to Yuki's still foggy mind. His morning self wasn't yet ready to cope with the sudden and uncalled for hatred, so carefully maintaining balence he made his way to the shower. Turning to hot water on to full blast, the porcelain skined teen striped off his boxers, which were the only things he wore to bed, and stepped into the comforting ambush of hot water. The quickly falling droplets numbing him skin as they hit the same spot over and over again. The all to quick change in tempurature caused his head to be sent into a dizzying spin. Almost falling Yuki managed to catch himself and fall to his knees instead. Taking a moment to regain some of the previously lost strength, the frail figure of Yuki stood once again, Mind set on making it out of the shower stall alive.

After making it out of the shower clean and healthy Yuki struggled into his uniform. 'Not a good idea to dress while you are wet.' It took at least five minutes if not more to finally succeed in the mission. Noting the continuous silence within' the house Yuki causiously began a decent down the sairs directly outside the now steamed bathroom. A haunting sensation enveloed him, taking a toll on his patience. "Hello, Tohru?" Recieving only silence as his responce, Yuki let out another call. "Shigure? Are you home?" Also getting silence to call to him he decided to make a bowl of cheerio's. Yuki strided into the kitchen, although before getting far he noticed a quickly scwraled note taped to the table. It read as follows:

Dear Yuki-Kun,

I appologize for the inconveniance of our dissappearances, but Tohru and I had to take care of some very serious buisness in town. And Yuki, please remember that Kyo's death wasn't your fault. In all honesty I knew he was destined to die. Akito foretold his early death, and your sudden depression. I wrote this poem years ago in hopes that it would comfort you when these days eventually arrived. Please stop this self torture, it's killing both Tohru and the rest of the Sohma family to see you like this. Take this poem to heart and stop what you've done to your self.

-Shigure and Tohru

_There is a tunnel,_

_A tunnel for all that's good and joyus._

_Though next to it, there is a door._

_A door that leads to a heartbreaking reality._

_Which shall I choose, which shall I take?_

_The door that takes me to a place where the death of a loved one is the talk of the day,_

_Or the tunnel that will take me by the hand and smile tricking me into an untrue reality?_

_A strong tug at my heart keeps me away from the door._

_But a fear of eternal trickery also forces steps in the other direction._

_Shall I face my fears,_

_Or run from the ones that have offered to help?_

_They say that abandonment is the worst possible crime,_

_But is it really true?_

_Do they really love me,_

_Or is a crime the equivilent to murder appropriate for this moment?_

_As an ancient spirit rumbles, attempting escape,_

_The answer becomes all the clearer._

_The only way i'll find happines again_

_Is by facing the undenyable truth._

_Death here, is not an option._

_Life is what'll keep my soul alive._

_Facing what I fear, and what I resent_

_That alone will allow myself to forgive._

_To forgive not only you,_

_But I as well._

The self initiated tears wouldn't stop running down the now red cheeks. They landed on Yuki's uniform once they fell from his face. Realization hitting like an anvil. Yuki wasn't the ultimate reason behind Kyo's eventuall death. It was this damned curse! "D-damnit." Yuki whispered over again between the sobs. Yuki hadn't been the cause. Kyo was just tying to prove once and for all that he did care for Yuki. And for one Kyo had actually won. Though at a cost, Kyo had finally proven that he was worthy of being in this stupid family. That's what upset Yuki the most. The unfairness of his life catching up to the present, causing another different sooting of pain to cast itself on him.

The release of grief lightened his soul, allowing Yuki a peace of mind. Something he hadn't felt in a long time. The feeling passed in a wave that didn't end, the pleasuable feeling took Yuki by shock. "Forgiveness is a powerful thing, Yuki." Said Yuki turned around in astonishment, only to see none other than Tohru and Shigure. "Tohru." Tohru smiled gently. "Have you forgiven yourself yet?" Yuki's eyes slowly returned to the light lavender they used to be. "Yes, Ms. Honda. I think I finally have." Shigure grined widely at this news. "So, did I make you realize that your torture was pointless?" Yuki's eyes adjusted to face the Kimono clad Shigure. "Yes, Shigure. Yes you did." Shigure nodded and returned to his study where he and Tohru were hiding. Tohru and Yuki went to school. Even without Kyo, Yuki finally realized that there was no reason to say goodbye to Kyo, and his own life. "No Goodbye's." "What?!" Tohru said as they walked home that afternoon. "Oh! Nothing Ms. Honda. I was just thinking aloud." Tohru blushed lightly. "I'm sorry! I'll try not to listen, though it's hard with you right next to me! But..." As Tohru Panicked Yuki interruppted. "It's alright! I'm done now anyway, so don't worry." "Oh. Alright Yuki-Kun." In his head, being careful to stay silent, Yuki continued his thoughts. 'There aren't any real goodbyes in this world are there? No, there aren't. I know that somewhere up in that ever changing sky Kyo Sohma is watching us all. No Goodbyes Kyo, because i'll see you again.'

And so, as the years continued to pass, no one ever really forgot Kyo. In truth his death along with Yuki's depression were what ultimately allowed everyone to find a way to break their curse. Whenever Kyo's name was uttered everyone would somehow shed a single tear, whether they were present or not. It's just proof of how closely attatched they all really were. And this one sudden loss changed everybody, for the better.

"Hey, Yuki?"

"Yes, Ms. Honda?"

"Are any of your plants ready yet?"

"The Strawberry's are almost ready, but if you want, the leeks are ready to be harvested."

"That sounds great! I could make Leek Stew with a side of homemade fishsticks!"

"I think that's the best idea you've had all week...Tohru."

"I'm happy to hear that Yuki-Kun. And i'm positive Kyo would be as well!"

"Yes, I believe he is. Let's go harvest the leeks. For Kyo?"

"For Kyo!"

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There we have it!! The last chapter! I hope you enjoyed it, IT TOOK TWO WEEKS TO WRITE!!! Anyway, like I said above:_I'm thinking this will be the last chapter... But you never know... I'm sorry if you expected more! Please don't be mad! I promise that if this is the last chapter that I will make this the best possible ending,and i'll take any story request you give me as long as it's Fruits Basket!!!But it has to come with a story line, basic plot line,title, summery,rating, and main characters. So please forgive me if this is the last chapter... Kasaki-Chan!_

So, if your still upset that it's the last chapter Please feel free to make a request with the specifications listed above! That's it for "No Goodbyes" I hope to meet you all again in another story! Oh! Please read my stories:"Could it Really Happen Again" and "Even Angels Have a Dark Side"!!!!!!!

This has been Kasaki-Chan! And this is all she wrote. (For No Goodbyes anyway)


	8. NEW NO GOODBYES INFO!

Hey peoplez! I know I already deemed No Goodbyes like complete and all, plus, you haven't heard from me in... HOW LONG?! HOLY SHIT! okay... apparently its been a long time...

ANYWAY! I just thought I would let all of you who cared about this story know: That you should check out my profile for the latest updates on the NEWEST No Goodbyes story!

I have not posted the first chapie yet, but there be info in my jumble of useless words... Somewhere. Please check it out. My goal date to have it posted is there too!

Hopefully someone finds this... I will be taking this update down in 3 weeks

Have an awesome rest of the summer!

-Kasaki Kihoya


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